Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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