i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize