youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
