I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
