So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
