Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize