So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
