I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
