What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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