I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize