So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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