Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
