Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
