The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
