I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
