Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
