the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mom said you looked used
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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