The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
