You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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