I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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