i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
