I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
