My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
