I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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