just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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