Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
