the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
