so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
