I'm really into asian looking animals
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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