Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
