Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
