It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
