I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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