Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
