I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
