oh god the rape fog is back!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
