carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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