Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
