I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
