I skipped work to stalk him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this hospital has no fireball
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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