So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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