it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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