She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
