I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
