Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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