dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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