So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
