This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
