How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
