I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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