i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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