So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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