Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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