so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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