I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
