I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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