oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
