Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
