it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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