lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
