just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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