After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
