Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
