so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
