Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
