I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
