i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
