After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
