That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
