you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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