Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize