The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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