i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
