Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
