What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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