yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize